Does love ever come from outside of ourselves? We all believe in duality which creates the perception that people are separate. Separation is the foundation of our entire existence. We have separate bodies, minds, memories and backgrounds. Separation creates the feelings of fear, loneliness, suspicion and alienation that come with being totally isolated. This part of you calls upon love to solve its pain. Do we really believe that the perfect person that ticks all our boxes is waiting out there for you - or more importantly is the question - do you believe this will fulfil you with the love that you desire? This is a common myth, but the reality is quite different. The somebody that is waiting for you is always a reflection of yourself. Out of the loneliness, all of us seek a source of love that will fill up the lack we have inside. There are certain truths that can be drawn:
You can never receive more love than you are prepared to receive
You cannot give more love than you have to give
The love reflected from another person has its source in your own heart
There are two types of love - one is unconditional and the other love is conditional (the romantic love that we are more familiar with in society). Unconditional love is the love that is experienced with another when two independent people have opened up to their own inner healing journey. The love they receive from another is matched to the love they feel for themselves. This type of love is expansive, growing, evolving, healing and unconditional. Its the type of love that recognises that all that outplays in a relationship is a reflection of the explored or not-yet-explored subconscious aspects of self. For each rising challenge or issue is seen as an opportunity to explore ourselves a little deeper and heal the otherwise hidden aspects of self. It is a relationship of mutual and supportive growth and healing for each others highest potential.
The other type of love is conditional and is often confused with real love. This type of love is based on fear. Fear of isolation, loneliness, loss and separateness. It is the love that seeks completeness by finding aspects in others to complete ourselves. This kind of relationship often involves co-dependencies, for example, ones own self image or happiness is dependent upon the other person. This type of love is constrictive, suppressive, blaming and unfulfilling in the long term.
The person we will attract into our lives will be perfectly matched to us in the sense that they will reflect back at ourselves our own hidden fears and aspects of self needing healing. The way to stay in pure unconditional love is simply by remaining conscious of all that unfolds - by taking self-responsibily for all that happens in a relationship and using this as an opportunity for growth. We should also remember the truth that we can only receive love as much as we love ourselves or another way put, we can only know another as deep as we know ourselves. We can only attract a partner that matches our own vibration. So we need to focus our attention on healing ourselves - bring ourselves in alignment with our highest potential, unconditionally love and respect ourselves, heal our fears and worries and stop seeking external love to complete ourselves. This is the only way to open the door to the love that we truly desire and are worthy of.
Many of us have written lists of the qualities we want in another partner in the hope to manifest the perfect lover. But what if holding this image in our minds is what is actually keeping love away. It sounds like a paradox but letting go has to be the first step in finding someone to love you, because love is never an image. Love does not depend upon external values at all, but the love we have for ourselves.